THE MOST MEMORABLE ADVICE MY MOTHER GAVE ME: PART ONE
Mums say the best things and give advice that stays with us for life. And some pass on wisdom gained from their own sometimes bitter experience – or by terrible example. A sad article to compile as many of the mums are no longer with us. But also life-affirming. Thanks to everyone in the Audrey Facebook community who contributed to one of our favourite Audrey articles ever, sharing what they learnt from their mums.
My mother said so many wise things. One of them was “Never be dependent on a man”
“Rely on yourself and no one else”.
“Never trust a charmer!” And the one time I didn’t heed those words …big mistake!
“Invest in some quality foundation garments. You’ll always put your best foot forward if you’re wearing a decent bra and pants”
My mum told me once when I was feeling very emotional and stressed “I raised you to climb mountains and sail stormy seas, so you can do anything”
“Read everything, and value education for its own sake, not just what it can do for your career”.
My mum said “Don’t marry the first man you meet” and “Don’t jump in too soon, you’re a long time married”
My Mum always told me : “If it feels good, do it. If in doubt, don’t”. Simple and effective words to live by!
“Don’t get married before 30”
“It will be alright in the end. And if it’s not alright it’s not the end”.
“Stand near the gents and by the end of the night you’ll have seen every man in the place”. Oh and more sensibly, “Never go to bed on a row”.
My mum passed this one down to me from her mum: “Know your customers”. She meant it in a life sense not a retail sense. Also, “It’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man”. Hmm…
“There is more to life than getting married” – sound advice, although I was only 4 at the time! I’m pleased to say I’ve been married now for 28 years.”
My Mum was a secretive and difficult woman and rarely gave advice. However when I got a school report which said “Helen is too independently minded, she must conform more’ and my father was berating me for it, my Mum said “It’s her independent spirit that will get her through life”. True.
My Mum said“Everything feels better in the morning”. I’ve found this to be true – it’s less angsty after sleep. She also said “Don’t marry someone until you’ve known them at least a year!” She had a friend who left her husband after three weeks when he showed his true colours.
My mum always spoke about looking for the silver lining… not just with the small, day-to-day irritations – even with really difficult life events, she’d talk about it perhaps being the chance for a new start, using the bad/sad situation as a line-in-the-sand/jumping-off-point for your next phase.
My mother got married in the 1950s and never worked again so her advice was to “always have your own savings.”
My mum always said “Do your best that’s all I ask of you” And she added “You will know when you’re doing your best”. Very true.
“Don’t expect everything to be fair especially with life and parenting” – pearls of wisdom from my mum.
Mum was a typical surrendered wife. While she constantly lamented her lack of career and having to put up with our dad’s controlling ways, when we got to adulthood and stood up to his bullying, she sided with him (“Who else am I going to side with? He’s my husband”). I’ve worked very hard to negotiate equality in my own relationship.
“Do everything before you get married & have kids – otherwise you’ll never get the chance”.
My mum told me “Nothing stays the same”, “Things will look different in the morning”, “Life is short” and, when I used to complain about someone behaving in a way I’d NEVER behave, she’d say “You’re not them and they’re not you.” That last one has been very helpful in teaching me not to judge.
Advice for newly marrieds: “Remember to always continue to say please and thank you to your partner, as you would any dear friend”.
“Travel, be kind, work hard, carpe diem”. My gran gave us both the best bit of advice – “When worried or upset clear a drawer or cupboard out. A bit of domestic sorting soothes the mind”
“You don’t want to be a second hand Rose” (too late for that). More importantly “Your Dad is a really generous man and that’s a great thing”.
Only learned that in losing her, I should have paid more attention to her life. We are so busy with our own and when our mothers are gone, I realised that she was a whole person I would have wanted to
spend more time with x
“Never run after a train or a man. Another one will be along shortly!”
My mum says, “Not all 5 fingers are the same” in reference to people, journey and mindset.
Look out for Part Two in the coming weeks.